Evening/Bedtime Routine.

     Every family is different. I think we all know that, but for some reason we all compare ourselves to each other. I've been trying to start looking at how they raise their kids and find ways to change them to work for our family. So basically what I'm saying is, this bedtime routine works for us (At least it has for the last week when we stick to it...) and this post is for those who are looking for ideas on how to get their kids to go to bed. 

Eat Dinner!: 

We're really bad at eating at the same time every night, sometimes I look at the clock and am completely shocked that it's 5!

Clean Up:

Much to my husband's dismay, I grew up cleaning up after dinner every night, meaning dishes are done, floors have been swept and mopped, and the front room/dining room has been vacuumed. Since we've been married, the only times that happened every night was the nine months we lived with my parents... So the last month or so, I've been trying to get the kids involved with the same routine as my mom did with me and my brothers. It's been hard getting back in the habit, but I feel so much better going to bed knowing it's done.

Bath time:

I'm embarrassed to admit, we are really bad at making sure our kids are bathed everyday.... Another thing we've been trying to work on. My kids play in dirt and other gross things, but I'm the one who has a shower everyday? Hmmm doesn't make much sense to me either... BUT We're working on it and my kids LOOOOVE it. Yes my kids love bath time and I have a theory why, but that's another post for another day. While they are bathing, J or I go to the kid's rooms and shut the curtains to make the rooms dark and then close the blinds in the family room to have a dim atmosphere when they're done. (See last post)

Brush Teeth:

We used to brush teeth on the way to bed, but it seemed to ruin the calming activity, so we moved it up.

Get Dressed:

This may seem like a "Duh" statement, but dress them in season appropriate PJ's. My oldest three love footy pajamas, because they can ice skate in the kitchen. But it's summer now and they just don't understand why the footies aren't allowed, but they don't sleep well sweating.

Prayer and Scriptures:

We're still trying to figure out how to make this less chaotic, but we've been promised blessings if we do it. Any suggestions, would be awesome!

First Book:

Our kids love to read, so we chose this as our calming activity.

E Goes to Bed:

She's turning two tomorrow (WHAT?!!!) so she's usually ready to go to sleep by 7:30 or after the first book. We all give her hugs and kisses and she goes night night.

More Books:

While E is settling down in her room upstairs, the boys will read a few more books with us, sometimes we tell fairy tales to change things up. The key is to make sure they are calm books, not interactive... Learned that the hard way :)...

T and M Go to Bed:

Everyone gives loves and tuck them into bed.

     Now, like I said in the last post, J used to post himself in the hallway to make sure they kept their heads down and were quiet. We realized one night that this was like egging them on to push our buttons. We found that we would start to get annoyed if they rolled over too many times or kicked off their blankets. So J and I decided with the new routine that we would give them enough space, so we're not watching over them with our eagle eyes, but sitting in our room. Our room is in the same hallway, so we can hear if they're starting to get too wild, but they can also move around to get comfortable.

     Another thing that we're working on, and what I struggle with is, just saying, "Put your head down." or "Shhh." or if they're out of bed, "Bed." They start to talk to us and if I answer them it'll stimulate their minds, totally destroying all our work the night before. And what's worse, if I argue with them, it gets them even more hyper. I'm really bad at it, but I'm gong to keep trying.

    We have to keep reminding ourselves that this is a process. Their bodies are so used to staying awake for a couple hours after we tuck them in. Every night, when we stick to the routine, the hours have been getting shorter and shorter. Last night they went to sleep in about 45 minutes! 

Good luck to those who have struggles like us!

Bedtime Adventures From H E Double Hockey Sticks

     Once upon a time, my husband and I looked forward to bedtime. We could put our little boy in his crib, he might cry a little bit, but we didn't have to worry about a thing. We would be able to actually sit and watch a movie without having to get up for anything other than popcorn!

     Fast forward to having four kids now and all but one in normal beds.... Can you hear the terrifying sound of violins playing in a minor key, because it's ringing in my ears.

     Bedtime has been absolutely awful! Even more so since we moved a couple months ago. This is how it would go, please feel free to look for our mistakes.

Dinner: I suggest we watch a TV Show as a family after we eat.

After We Eat: Clean up doesn't happen and bath time usually got skipped.

Watch TV Show: The boys would fight over where they're sitting, E doesn't sit still (She's not even two yet, who can blame her?) J and I complain because we can't hear what's going on.

Announce Bedtime: As soon as the TV is turned on, T (Our 4 year old) will yell that he wants to watch more, which usually turns into us fighting him. M (Just turned 3) will try to convince us that he's not tired and doesn't want to go to bed. E, seeing what fun her brothers are having, decides she has to run in circles while yelling to add to the noise. The baby is most likely crying, because it's time for her to eat.

Pj's: J gets stuck doing this by himself, because I'm feeding Baby Girl, which means he's having to get the clothes, round up the kids again, and convince the boys to put on their clothes the right way while figuring out E's clothes at the same time.

Prayers and Scriptures: By this time J's frustration has made me frustrated, because I can't do a whole lot with a baby latched onto me. So trying to be spiritual isn't working so great... We each take our turn reading and then pray, which rarely isn't interrupted with one of us telling someone to fold their arms, close their eyes, or get on their knees.

Brush Teeth: Either J or I would be getting the baby dressed while the other takes the kids upstairs to clean teeth. They get hyper, because we're a weird family and good dental hygiene is fun for the kids.

Bed (Dun Dun Duuuun): Give everyone kisses and hugs and tuck them in. J takes his post in the hallway to watch all three and make sure they keep their heads on their pillows and stay quiet. T usually starts the party with bouncing his butt on his squeaky mattress, M kicks his blankets off and holds his feet in the air, and E usually says she has to go potty. Slowly it grows into J yelling at them to stay in bed, and someone sleeping on the floor in the hallway. And that's at 9PM... I eventually take J's spot, because he's so frustrated he can't handle them anymore. I lose my control and usually end up spanking someone or arguing over why they can't have their stuffed animals back. 10PM rolls around and we're both too tired, the kids are usually in bed so tired that they're crying, so we just crash. 

Yup. It was bad. And this wasn't even a night that we get home late from my parent's house or some friend's house....

There was one night that we had had enough. J and I were both in tears, because we were tired, the kids weren't behaving well, because they weren't getting enough sleep, and the spirit just wasn't in our home. And I didn't blame him, I didn't even want to be in my house! We did some research and everything we found was routine routine routine. And we did have a basic routine down, even if we didn't watch a show. It would at least be at the scriptures and prayer part. Shouldn't that be enough?! We were almost to the point of asking our doctors if we should drug them, but then my husband found a brilliant article click here to read it. 

So we decided to try stimulating them naturally for a couple weeks, before we look at turning to medicine. 

Here are our changes:

1 Hour Afternoon Nap

I would let my kids sleep until they woke up and sometimes that would be a couple hours. Nice for me at the time, but made bedtime chaos.

No Screen Time 2 Hours before Bed!

With the way screens work, the colors of the light coming off the screen actually stimulates our brains. Giving them that 2 hour break gives them a head start on calming down.

Dim the Lights When Starting the Routine

It's summer time right now, so they don't understand that even though the sun is up, they need to sleep. 

Read Quiet Books 

We learned that even with reading, we need to make sure they aren't our silly books. If it's too silly, they get too stimulated.

Darken the Room Right Before Putting Them to Bed

Limit Talking to Them After Saying Goodnight

No more arguing. We say, lay down or Shhh and that's it.

In the Morning Open the Curtains to help them wake up

My kids get grumpy when woken up, so I let nature do it's thing with sunlight. Their bodies think it's time to wake up, not Mommy.

All these changes have helped so much! We know it'll take some time for their bodies to adjust, but just with these little changes we've seen results.

I'll have to make a post on our bedtime routine, because nap time's over (Hour's Up).

Anger...

    I've always had a hard time with keeping my anger under control with family. Friends or strangers on the other hand, I can keep my cool, smile, and know that I can walk away. As our family has grown in our short little marriage, my temper has been showing itself more and more, which has helped my husband's temper reveal itself as well.
Saturday was one of those days where, I wanted to get caught up on our house work (life's been kinda crazy). The kids were actually doing pretty well with helping, so long as they knew snack time was coming soon or that they'd be able to go outside as soon as one of the rooms was finished. My husband, JZ, has been recovering from a procedure, so he helped as much as he could sitting down. We were finishing up a room and I hear JZ scream. I run in just in time to see him punch a hole into our wall. Our daughter, E, wanted to jump into Daddy's lap and landed right on his stitches. JZ was in so much pain that he was in tears (not a normal thing for him...) Once I made sure he was ok, I went back to find my kids, wide eyed with fear, our second oldest, M, with tears in his eyes. I saw it. Our anger had made our children scared. I felt a pit grow in my stomach. I knew what it was like to be scared, to be yelled at. I just did something that I remember promising myself that I would never do. I made my children feel less than the children of God that they are. JZ and I both realized we needed to change. I found a talk that has helped. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng

I need to just stop. It's hard work. I've gone so long with just letting my anger run wild, that I have to constantly pull myself back. Even now, while I'm sitting here waiting for my kids to go to bed, I've started yelling and getting mad at them. I am responsible for my actions and how I'm feeling inside, these kids aren't making me do anything. I get mad. But my kids don't deserve to be yelled at, no matter how many times I've told them to put their heads down. Love is a big key to my beliefs and I just need to dig deep inside to find my love for them.
This is another reason why I've started this blog. I'm going to do my best to be real. I'm going to be honest with what's going on inside my head and vent it out. I'm a real mom and need to start acting like it.

I Confess, I'm NOT Perfect

     This last Sunday at church, a sister said something that hit me, "Throughout the years I've learned that I don't need approval from anyone else. As long as the Lord approves of what I am doing, I am doing what I'm supposed to." I've been thinking about it all day. How many of us look at each other and think, "That mom has it all together. Why am I failing?" I do all the time. 

     In my house, dishes are always piling up, I'm constantly digging through the laundry baskets trying to find some clean underwear, my front room should have a "DISASTER" sign posted. And it's not because I'm  off playing with the kids or out doing some kind of service. Somedays I just want to sit down and watch some Netflix.  But at the end of the day, I look back and see how much I didn't do. Even on days like today, I did dishes this morning (10 Points!), Started some laundry (10 Points!), remembered to move that laundry into the dryer (20 Points!!!), I stripped beds and got that laundry started (10 Points!), made the beds that I have another set of sheets (10 Points!). Hey I got at least 50 Points today! But wait... 

     After I made my bed, coconut juice got spilled on it. The bed had to be re-stripped (Not my fault, why am I upset?) and I haven't transferred our sheets into the dryer (Oh... That's why I'm upset. -10 Points). Putting the kids to bed, I realize that the two beds that don't have another set of sheets didn't make it out of the dryer, so the boys have to sleep on a blanket over their mattresses (-10 Points). Dishes didn't get done after lunch or dinner (-20 Points). The carpet under the table hasn't been vacuumed for the last two days and can't be done now that the kids are in bed (-20 Points, 10 per day). And that's not all that's gone through my head from the time I said good night to the kids to when I turned on the laptop. I'm at -60 Points... 

     So going back to this last Sunday, I decided that I can't compare myself to other women, even my mom, who seemed to have the house in perfect order all the time. Heavenly Father knows, I tried, maybe not my hardest, but I'm still trying. I'll do a little bit more tomorrow and forget about all the negatives of today. SO, what I'm going to do is:

     After I made my bed, coconut juice got spilled on it. The bed had to be re-stripped (Not my fault, why am I upset?) and I haven't transferred our sheets into the dryer (Oh... That's why I'm upset. -10 Points). Putting the kids to bed, I realize that the two beds that don't have another set of sheets didn't make it out of the dryer, so the boys have to sleep on a blanket over their mattresses (-10 Points). Dishes didn't get done after lunch or dinner (-20 Points). The carpet under the table hasn't been vacuumed for the last two days and can't be done now that the kids are in bed (-20 Points, 10 per day). And that's not all that's gone through my head from the time I said good night to the kids to when I turned on the laptop. I'm at -60 Points... 

     Tomorrow I am starting over. And what I get done is what I get done.

The End